Death is a Tricky Thing

We are just passing the three month marker of my aunt’s death. Lately it has been incredibly difficult to get up and be happy. I’m depressed more than not. Right now I am on my own living in a townhouse. This alone has put me in an environment I have not shared with my aunt. So, even if she was alive I would be getting to the point of missing her and wanting to see her. This I believe is the main reason why I miss her so greatly. I can’t go long in the day where I don’t think about her or miss her. The littlest things trigger a memory. Though I am no longer living in the apartment I shared with her, I still live in the same town that I shared hundreds of memories with her. For example, I was listening to Pandora and a pizza commercial came on, which triggered a memory of when we got a Little Caesar’s five dollar pizza and rented a couple of movies. Then after the memory plays, I remember the time period of that moment. I shared this memory with her just last fall, which was one of the best times spent with her. We were getting along and everything was just good. This happens at least ten times a day if not more. This leaves little room of me not thinking of her.

Death is a hard thing to get through because you don’t ever get through it completely. It could be months or years since you have thought of a person you lost, but one tiny thing reminds you of that person, and now you miss that person once again.

My aunt played every role for me: mother, father, aunt, and best friend. There is almost twenty years worth of memories shared.

I am thankful for the time I got to spend with her.  I also believe that God’s timing is perfect, especially in this case. I do not believe I could handle losing her with thirty or forty plus years of memories shared between us. Also with me being in my twenties, I need to discover who I am and become a responsible, functioning adult, which she had the problem of allowing me to do so. I believe if she was still alive, I would have had to hurt her emotionally, by cutting her off from my life. I believe God saved me and her from that pain. It will be hard for a long time as I learn how to do life without the person who played every role, but in the end it will be okay…I will be okay.


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